


Oops, Baby

by withered



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A little girl shoots at Bucky, Alternative Universe - Bucky moves into the Tower, Bucky is jealous of himself, Clint chokes, I have no timeline, Like Father like Daughter, M/M, Non-compliant with CA:CW, Non-compliant with CA:WS, Tony is oblivious at the nonsense he causes, he does a frighten, not in the sexy way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14461401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withered/pseuds/withered
Summary: “Whoa, wait a second – Dad?” Steve repeated, Sam’s eyes have never looked wider, and Bucky’s pretty sure he’s going to throw up.“Oh, oh right,” Tony shook his head. “This is Penny, she’s my kid.”“Like…adopted?”“Like, my kid,” he repeated, brows raised, and when Penny does it too, it’s hard to miss the uncanny resemblance, and that’s how Penny Stark began her slow murder of Bucky Barnes.





	Oops, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Completely unconnected to my winteriron collections, just something dumb I came up with and needed to get rid of because my brain had an itch.

Penelope Stark was going to be the death of him which, all things considered, would have been obvious from the get-go when she showed up in the kitchen of the Avengers Tower, eating all the plums.

“Fri?” He found himself saying out of habit. The AI, after insisting that Bucky wasn’t bothering her with his constant questions, and that “no question is too dumb” policy that Tony enacted (and Clint took advantage of), was always his first point of contact when things got weird, and this definitely classified as weird.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?” she intoned, cheerful as ever, and Bucky wondered if maybe he was simply imaging the girl at the kitchen counter.

Impossible, he was sure. She was looking right at him, though, she too didn’t seem all that surprised about his presence and only continued to eat, a thoughtful expression tugging her brows.

She looked achingly familiar; all fragile bone structure and soft muscle; echoes of someone in her big blue eyes and pert nose.  But no matter how hard he stared, he couldn’t place her.

Breaking off the staring contest to blow away a stray strand of curling dark hair, she wiped her hands clean on her jean shorts.

There were no weapons he could make out on her, and his Soldier-sense as Peter insisted on calling it, wasn’t ringing any warning bells

She wasn’t a threat, he quickly deduced. At least, she wasn’t making herself a threat.

“Uh – who’s this?” Sam finally managed at his shoulder.

When Friday didn’t reply immediately, Steve asked the girl, “Uh, hey – how did you get in here?”

Ignoring him, she asked instead, eyes flickering between the three of them, “How many hours has he slept?”

They blinked, with Steve opening his mouth to ask her what she meant when Friday answered tentatively, “Three.”

“Are we talking in total of power naps or all at once?”

“Power naps,” Friday replied, and there was no mistaking her disappointment.

Sighing, the girl asked, “Is he awake right now?”

“Boss is making his way to the kitchen as we speak.”

“Wait, are you talking about Tony?” Bucky finds himself asking, _what the hell does she want with Tony?_

 Though she briefly paused in her conversation with the AI to squint at him, she jumped right back into the conversation with a prodding, “Coffee run?”

“Coffee run,” Friday agreed.

“Look – Miss, you really can’t be here,” Steve said, and looked affronted when the girl continued to ignore them, hopping off the barstool and – to their continued confusion – began to prepare a mug, opening all the right cupboards and rifling in the correct drawers to get what she needed.

“Wait a second; are you one of Tony’s strays?” Steve continued to ask, “Like Harley and Peter?”

“They aren’t strays,” she declared, her eyes a sharp piercing blue-grey suddenly, and Bucky’s startled then because – _why…why do you look so familiar?_

“I’m fine, Fri,” Tony’s voice came up behind them, “I’m so close to cracking it – Sleep is for the dead anyway and – what the hell are you guys doing blocking the kitchen?”

Reluctantly they part to let him through, and for a beat, there was a moment of confused silence and then, “Penny pop! Baby-girl, what are you doing here?” To their surprise, the engineer surged forward, and for all the girl’s nonchalance, she opened her arms willingly to accept the embrace – letting Tony get to the point of picking her up and swinging her a little despite being roughly the same height.

The cherry on top of that was the smacking kiss he sets on her cheek just before he put her down. The sprinkles on top are the matching radiant smiles that are on their faces, and that’s when it hits Bucky. _Nonononono –_

“Friday,” Tony began in a tone that’s lightly scolding, “why don’t you say anything?”

The girl huffed, though the smile didn’t drop. “I told her not to – it’s called a surprise for a reason, Dad.”

_Nononononono –_

_“_ How did you even get -”

“Whoa, wait a second – _Dad?_ ” Steve repeated Sam’s eyes have never looked wider, and Bucky’s pretty sure he’s going to throw up.

“Oh, oh right,” Tony shook his head. “This is Penny, she’s my kid.”

“Like…adopted?”

“Like, _my_ kid,” he repeated, brows raised, and when _Penny_ does it too, it’s hard to miss the uncanny resemblance, and that’s how Penny Stark began her slow murder of Bucky Barnes.

Natasha was the one to ask at dinner, “So why exactly has Tony been hiding you?”

“Because terrorists, assassins, government agencies and Norse gods do not a childhood make,” Tony answered in her stead, filling his daughter’s plate for her with a strict, “Eat your vegetables.”

“It’s not like I’m gonna to grow anymore. You’d know,” she retorted, arms crossed petulantly but smirking all the same, and Clint snorted his soup out of his nose.

Tony sniffed. “Just for that, I’m not making any of your favorites while you’re here.”

“Where have you been this whole time?” Steve asked as a follow-up, and between bites of the salad that was put on her plate, Penny replied, “MIT.”

Clint choked a little. “You’re a kid.”

“I’m seventeen.” Adding almost petulantly, “I’m a late bloomer.”

Regardless of that, Tony seemed pleased as punch about it, going on about how proud he was of her – and it became even more confusing as to why no one realized he had a kid at all.

The guy wouldn’t shut up about it.

Bucky was surprised they weren’t forced to sit through a presentation with baby pictures to boot, but then Tony had gotten quiet about it and only said it wouldn’t be safe to have evidence of her existence, let alone have pictures of her.

Technically, her paperwork said she was _Penelope Margret Barnes_ which was a weird ass coincidence, but then again, Barnes was a common enough name, so Bucky just shook it off, even when the kid gave him _these looks_.

She could convey so much judgment in them that Clint actually appeared physically attacked every time she didn’t laugh at any of his terrible jokes.

Not just that though, every time he and Tony spoke or interacted _in completely platonic ways_ that Look would pop up – like she somehow _knew_ that at some stage (regularly) Bucky wacked one out while picturing the engineer.

Not that she had the same judge-y face she had on when she looked at Clint, but there was just something about her eyes that just looked so familiar to him that he felt exposed every time – like she knew all his secrets, just by looking at him a certain way.

Those damn looks were the problem; those looks were Penny’s weapons of choice in murdering Bucky. That, and the many times he’s been cockblocked since her arrival.

Which, _okay,_ it isn’t like he and Tony have _a thing_.

Tony’s all-but-blood, big brother, Colonel Rhodes would murder him for even thinking about acting less like a gentleman around the engineer.

But that was why timing was everything.  

The morning of Penny’s appearance in the kitchen, Bucky had finally gotten the balls to _consider_ telling Tony how he felt, and thanks to Rhodes being caught up in military business and political bullshit for the next week, he’d have his hands too full to spare to strangle Bucky.

But now!

Now, not only did Bucky not get to tell Tony how he felt, Tony’s lab was no longer their special place (because of course, any child of Tony’s would be down there too), Bucky also had to find out that Tony had a freaking kid no one knew about?

Granted, it never exactly came up…and it wasn’t like he and Tony had gotten much further than flirting outrageously and taken to practically gravitating around each other. And it wasn’t like he was imagining the _moments_ they kept having either – they’d almost kissed at least five times!

Still – something had to give right?

And it did – it gave until it felt like Bucky was getting repeatedly kicked in the chest, and it was all because of the brat.

See, Bucky assumed that at the very least, Penny’s mom had died.

Awful, he knows, but Steve’s known Tony for at least five years and there was never a mention of a woman – beyond Pepper – but Penny was definitely not Pepper’s. No matter how similar their names were. Or maybe she was – but no, definitely not because _the dame_ that was currently flirting up a storm with Tony in the lab was Penny’s dead ringer.

Though the lady all over Tony was taller than Tony himself,  she had Penny’s dark hair and the brief moment when she turned her head, Bucky caught the familiar blue eyes that practically glowed from Penny’s own face.

Beside him, Clint whistled in appreciation. “Would you look at that; did Tony get a secretary or something?”

“Decked out in a leather catsuit?” Bucky deadpanned, feeling like his heart was sitting in his stomach – all deflated and gross.

Of course if Tony had someone, it would be someone freaking perfect. She probably had zero emotional traumas to boot.

“Hey,” Clint began, placating, “if I had the money I’d make that a requirement.”

“Gross,” Penny declared, rolling her eyes, before she shot Bucky in the heart with the simple phrase, “That’s my mom, you gank.”

“ _Your mom_?”

She raised a brow. “Did you think I was hatched?” When the archer only floundered with an open mouth, Penny snorted. “You totally thought I was hatched.”

The doors to the lab slid open with a quiet sigh, and finally, Tony and the woman both turned to notice them.

“Hey mama,” Penny greeted, brushing by to kiss her on the cheek before sneaking to the other side to do the same to Tony. “Daddy.” And standing beside them as she was, Bucky was hit once more with the resemblance – her father’s features, her mother’s coloring; her mother’s build and her father’s height.

“Penny Pop,” Tony returned with a wiggle of his brows, before acknowledging them, “What’s up with you guys?”

“Clint thought I was hatched.”

“I did not,” the archer protested. “I thought you were born in a test tube.”

“See, we should have done that. Much more convenient,” the woman said, raising her brows.

And as if Bucky’s heart couldn’t give any more, Tony let out that familiar laugh of his and said, “Well, we’ll have to consider it.”

Fortunately, Penny interjected, “I better not be going jome to a brother; I just met Peter. I’ve been punished enough.”

“Don’t be like that, Doll,” her mother teased, “I think it would be fun.”

“Good luck convincing Antonia,” Tony said with a snicker.

“If I may,” Clint interjected, “What the hell is going on? You have a family, since when?”

After an exchange of looks which ranged from amused to _shit,_ Tony decided, “It’s complicated.” 

“Complicated? What’s complicated about telling us you were married and had a kid?” Bucky found himself saying, and yeah, he definitely sounded a lot more accusatory than he planned but – goddamn it, what the hell –

“Oh, we aren’t married,” the dame said, then cut a glance to Tony with a slight smirk. “You didn’t tell him, did you?”

There was a sudden heat of color on Tony’s cheeks as he stuttered, “Er-no, but the thing is – the thing is we aren’t er -”

Whatever it was he was trying to say, she seemed to understand as she smiled indulgently. Then, she turned to Bucky. “I’m sorry, it seems like we got off on the wrong foot.” Extending her hand, she said, “I’m Jane Barnes.”

Holy shi –

“Dude, you’ve got a metal arm,” Clint eloquently declared.

Her eyes twinkled, a dimple digging into her cheek in a familiar place that dimpled in Bucky’s…“Yeah, I kinda noticed.”

At that stage, Penny shot a look at Tony. “ _You didn’t tell him_?”

“I -”

“Oh my god, is this because I’ve been in the lab the whole time?” his kid asked, suddenly offended.

“No, of course not!”

“But you still haven’t – Dad, I’ve literally given you ten years to make this happen!”

“In my defense,” he protested, “Bucky only moved in like a year ago and I wasn’t exactly – we aren’t – we didn’t get to the right stage to tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Bucky asked, slightly dazed because – looking at the dame, at Jane – Bucky can see reminiscences of his little sister except the lines and angles are different, and there’s a scar, right underneath her eyebrow – practically white, practically invisible – that cuts Bucky on the exact same spot –

“Technically, in another universe, and in a dlightly different timeline” Tony began slowly, slight wince between his brows, “you...and I…” He made some hand gestures which didn’t quite make sense until _oh…Oh._

“So then…what’s the deal with…” Bucky cast a glance at Penny, but before she could reply, another voice, tone smoky and low, and undeniably female declared, “There was some magic stuff involved, god, I hate magic.”

“Actually, it was an inter-dimensional portal,” Penny corrected, having no mercy at all for the sheer shock being displayed across from her.

The other dame, dressed in a skirt, white blouse and a tie the same color as Tony’s, huffed, “Which was opened with magic because Strange is a fucking cake.” She exhaled again before turning her head, a slow smile spreading her lips. “Well, what do we have here?”

“This is James,” Jane said, and Bucky would have been startled that she knew that except her apparent companion began to circle him, a familiar smile curling her red lips.

She informed smugly, “Told you you’d look hot as a guy, babe.”

Clint made some kind of gurgling noise around his tongue, though he managed to ask, “Tony?”

She flashed him a wink before turning to look at Clint. “In the flesh, Birdbrain.”

“So wait…you, and you,” Bucky began pointing shakily at his female self and Tony.

“Oh no, in our universe, females can reproduce without the participation of a male, Penny over here was already born by the time she accidentally crossed the convergence bridge between our two universes,” female Tony explained with a wave of her hand before leering at him. “Don’t worry, darling, your Tony’s all yours.”

“So, wait, does that mean…” Bucky felt like his mind was taking too long to process, as Tony once said, you could practically hear the dial-up in his brain until finally, he turned his attention to Penny who was smiling sheepishly before she shot him again,

 “Technically, I’m your kid too.”

Rhodes was going to kill him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been reading too many multiverse fics lately. I regret everything and nothing.
> 
> [Click here if you want to find out more about my work](https://everything-withered.tumblr.com/)


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